One thing the bugs me the most about graduating from college is that awkward period of time when you have absolutely no idea what you are doing with your life. If you asked me last September what I was doing after graduating from Cal Poly, I would have told you I was planning on attending graduate school in the fall. Fast forward to nine months later, I'm sitting in a black robe that used to be a plastic bottle with a flat piece of cardboard bobby pinned to my head, listening to each speaker drone on and on about how "this is our time" and "the world is ours."As inspirational as that is, what does that really mean, practically speaking? Sure we spent the last four or five years working for that piece of paper that says we know something about a certain subject, but what does that get us?
At the moment, I'm working as a receptionist at a pharmaceutical company and spend my days refilling paper, restocking food and listening to old men on the phone complaining how they "ain't getting no results" from using our products and proceed to describe to me how they are using the product to make sure they're doing it right (we make erectile disfunction drugs). On the plus side, I'm super good at answering phones now and dealing with super awkward situations, on the downside the scientist in me is getting really sad because I haven't been in a lab in over a week.
There's a line from Kappa Kappa Psi's Fraternity Hymn that has always made me feel better. It says: "I do not know how long 'twill be or what the future holds for me, but this I know, if I must die, I am a brother of KKPsi." While I was still in school, I always felt some sort of comfort that even though I don't know what life has in store there was one thing I knew for sure, I was a brother. Now that I'm an alumnus of not only the university, but the fraternity as well, I can't help feeling that I've lost a huge chunk of my identity.
I always dread the inevitable question "So, what are you up to after graduation?" I usually reply with something NASA related, but the truth of the matter is that I really don't know. Now that grad school isn't an option for this year, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. No one tells you how hard your 20's are. Up until now, there's always been a socially constructed plan that everyone pretty much sticks to, elementary school then high school then college, but after college, there is no obvious next step. The beauty of it is that I could do anything I wanted to now. I don't even have to do biology anymore, but at the same time, having the world as your oyster makes this awkward period so much harder because having so many options makes the decision even more difficult. In the past few months, I've contemplated pursuing careers as a flight attendant, chef, bartender, trophy wife and Globe Trekker host. I've also applied to every possible science related job in the San Luis Obispo area because, to be honest, my heart is still in SLO.
It's funny how one of our most cherished values, the freedom to choose our own course in life, so often causes us a painful amount of uncertainty. But however painful that uncertainty is, at least know you're absolutely not alone in it! It seems like the majority of people in our age group are undergoing much the same experience. I still have a year of college back at Cornell to go, but I can already see the brick wall of Real Life fast approaching, and I have no idea either what I'm going to do. The unknown is always a little scary! Still, whatever path we end up taking, as long as we do our best to make the most of it, and know we're in good company while doing so, I think that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteI love this bit, haha: Fast forward to nine months later, I'm sitting in a black robe that used to be a plastic bottle with a flat piece of cardboard bobby pinned to my head, listening to each speaker drone on and on about how "this is our time" and "the world is ours."
ReplyDeleteI seriously don't ask people the big question of what they are doing after graduation anymore, because none of us really know now, do we? One step at a time.
Seriously! I'm glad that you have the foresight to not ask the big question. I know people are just asking 'casue they want to make conversation or they're genuinely curious about what I'm doing after graduation, but is really sucks to have to reply with "I don't know." I'm sure I'll figure it out soon.
Delete"I always dread the inevitable question "So, what are you up to after graduation?""
ReplyDeleteThis question wore very thin on me too. Not least of all because the person asking it often couldn't care less what my plans were, they just wanted to pass judgement on my plans. I can't even count how many times I got hit with raised eyebrow, the tolerant smile, the barely concealed smirk. Sometimes, they'd even got that bit further, they'd ask "Are you sure that's wise?", they'd say "Well, you'll soon find out about the real world", and one particularly nasty old man asked me how I could ever have thought that a BA in English would ever lead to any graduate jobs worth having.
And the irony is that my plans or distinct lack of them were absolutely no business of theirs. Perhaps they'd forgotten how it felt to graduate or perhaps they never graduated at all, but it's perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed, unsure. It's perfectly normal not to have your plans set in stone. I very much doubt that they had the rest of their lives nicely mapped out and are still living by that map today.
Don't let them make you feel threatened. You will figure out what you want to do in life and you will do it in your own time. It's really nothing to do with anyone else.
*the raised eyebrow, sorry.
ReplyDelete